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If you’re reading about us becoming foster parents for the first time, check out Part 1 and Part 2, then keep reading. Those of you who know us, know how this story ends. But there are many would-be foster parents out there who don’t and are unsure of what they’re experience is going to look like. So I’m going to continue telling our story…

We decided to give ourselves another chance at taking care of the sisters, C 5yrs old and H 2.5yrs old. I barely remember that next weekend but it was different. We felt freer and less concerned about an immediate connection. We just played and danced and giggled. It was still super hard, meals and naps and bedtime oh my. Timeouts happened, I seem to remember C throwing a massive tantrum. We survived. By the end of the weekend, Ben was in tears because he wanted to adopt them! My slow-to-connect nature was not ready for those words and it scared me how attached he already seemed to be.

The weekend ended and the girls returned to their foster family. We talked and talked and talked and talked and talked about what it would look like to have the girls here, with us, all. the. time. I couldn’t even picture how different our life would be. But ultimately we said yes, we wanted C & H to come live with us with the potential of adoption. We were very clear on the potential part. Everyone and their mom would ask us as soon as they met the girls “Are you adopting”? And with a resounding gong we would say “No”. Not because we weren’t considering it everyday, because we were. But people would always seem to ask when the girls were right there listening. We weren’t mom and dad, not even close. And we couldn’t pretend to be. Foster parenting is not playing house. You are taking care, to the best of your abilities, SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD. And when taking care of someone else’s child, no matter who their birth parents are, you have to muster up some healthy respect for them. Those children love their parents with a deep longing. Whatever was done to them, they’re not happy to be away from their parents. Just the opposite. Then add foster parents pretending they get to keep their foster kids forever so they start treating them like one of their own. Bonding with them, encouraging a parents-child relationship, despite court proceedings and the law. The problem with this scenario is when they will be placed back with their birth parents and you may never see them again. By emotionally confusing that child, you’ve created another broken relationship for them. It does not help to play the part of pretend parent to your foster child.

Major tangent, sorry. The general point is, we kept our emotional distance as much as we could. No “I love you’s” or mommy and daddy talk. We spent a lot of time talking about their birth mom and how much she loved them. It was difficult to keep that emotional distance at times but ultimately it was in their best interest.

Truth #1 : The first two weeks were the hardest weeks of our lives
Truth #2 : The second two weeks were the second hardest weeks of our lives.
Truth #3 : We found our rhythm. Our foster partent groove. We started living life with two foster daughters.

More to come on daily life, pink clothing everywhere, timeouts and tantrums, hair and dance parties. Peace friends. rw

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CATEGORIES: Personal